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Why, mi'LORD--there you are! I was just thinking of you whilst on the loo this morning, and it appears as if with one insouciant flick of my wrist, I've also flushed YOU out! Ah, the wonders of this modern age... It's as if my wishing gland were connected to my interpipal plumbing system!
By the way, I found this lurid literature hidden in the garden shed. I thought the gardener's been looking a little winded lately, and the melons have begun tasting like mushrooms and gym socks. Again.
Mi'Lord, forgive my slatternly tardiness, but I have returned the loan of your, ah, "cliterature," as you called it. I tried to give it a scan, but the binder must have been a tosspot because he seemed to have slathered a gluey mess every few pages. I found entire chapters stuck together, turning paper pages into something closer to linoleum. The decline of good, conscientious tradesmen is simply disgraceful!